Sunday, April 29, 2007

Day 6 & 7 - It's history.

So I sat there at the kitchen table, awed by this ephiphany and wondering how it was that I hadn't seen it before.
I thought about a time when my husband and I were not yet married, but already best friends. He was interning at a place where I was volunteering and one of my objectives throughout the day was to cross paths with him as often as I could. As we passed in the hall one afternoon, I excitedly bubbled, "Hi, Chris, " and gave him a huge smile. "Hey", was his response as we each continued walking seperate ways. "Hey", was his response? What! Have I offended him? Maybe he's mad at me. I must've said or did something wrong and now he doesn't even want to talk to me!
So here's my best friend, who has never given me a reason to think this way, but my immediate reaction to his response is a negative thought. An evil report.
Later on I found out that he was right in the middle of figuring something out and was on his way to meet a co-worker about the solution, so he was a little preoccupied; not to mention that his reactions to life are a little more subdued than mine, and that's why he didn't jump up and down and give me a big hug or stop and have a five-minute conversation when he saw me in the hallway. Liar, liar pants on fire, evil report.
It was the exact same thing that had just happened with my mother-in-law. I'm her daughter, she's my mom. We have a great relationship. She has never given me a reason to think she doesn't approve of me. She never judges me, she's always supportive and encouraging! But here was this evil report trying to poison my mind again.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Day 4 & 5- True reality.

When the Israelite spies were sent into their Promised Land, twelve of them went in and saw, and twelve of them came out and spoke - polarized reports. On the one side, you have Joshua and Caleb, who were so pumped about this amazing place and they knew and believed and boldly declared what God had promised them, that they were well able to go in and possess their land. They knew it was theirs. They believed it was theirs because God said it was theirs. End of discussion.
The other ten, however, perceived reality not as it was, but as they saw it in their own minds, to the point where they even confessed, "We've become like grasshoppers in our own sight."
Not once had God told the Israelites they were like grasshoppers. Not even close. In His eyes, they were the mighty people of the Most High God, whom no army, nation, or giant could stand against.
But an evil report transformed an army of kings into grasshoppers.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Day 3 - The true root.

My reaction shocked me. It was so natural, like a smile when you see a friend, and oh, so familiar. "It's an evil report." The Holy Spirit's calm, gentle voice echoed in my consciousness. An evil report. It was true.
From as far back as I can remember, every day, on literally every occasion, my mind has drifted to the worst that could happen.
Now outwardly, I'm a very positive person, optimistic, always looking to bring out the best in life. But an ugly habit had wormed it's way in and gotten stuck in my subconscious. There was the problem.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Day 2 - Ephesians works.

The light came on, and I saw it.
I was studying the book of Ephesians. We were visiting my husband's parents over the Passover week and I sat at the kitchen table, reading, writing, reading, writing as revelation poured into me from Paul's letter. My bible lay open next to a full page of notes on my clipboard. I think I was on chapter 3. My mother-in-law was cooking supper and came by the table to get a dish from the china cabinet. I sensed a slight halt in her movement as she passed me. Was it my imagination or did she glance at my notes? I bet she saw my notes. Oh no. Are they scripturally sound? She probably looked at my notes and what if there was something there that wasn't right. What'll she think. She's gonna think that-
My eyes opened wide in realization. The revelation throbbed though my brain in sync with my heartbeat.
I found the root.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Day 1 - Getting to the root of the problem...

I thought it was fear. But it wasn't. If it were, something would have changed because on at least three seperate occasions I had dealt with fear, writing out and signing my declaration of independence and verbally renouncing any further involvement with this leech. But if the tree keeps growing, there's still a root somewhere and I knew I needed to find it.